Paul and I are finally, finally, finally back together.
& I'm so in love. <3.
I can feel it in every crevasse, bone, and nerve ending in my body.
A song, a poem, a feeling, a justification of how happy I am to finally be back where I belong.

The past five months have been incredibly hard for the both of us. The search that I thought that I needed led me to endless parties and halted dreams. I haven't read a book all summer. I haven't written a song or attempted to paint a picture because the truth is, I'm a less passionate person without him. I let myself become influenced by people with no passions and I became, even if it was for a little while, a mindless, senseless person. I had my bike, at least.

I was just scared of not living up to his expectations. I was scared of the proposal that I knew he was going to do in the coming months. I was scared because I knew that I hadn't completely given up my old lifestyle. I relied on people telling me how to feel to have any feeling at all, then one day I snapped. And I didn't come out of it for almost 6 months.

Deleting my Facebook and Myspace has been the best thing I could have ever done. Honestly, I don't want to care about what 490+ people have going on in their lives, and the people who I want to be interested in my life knows my number or they read my journals. Not only has it given me so much spare time, I'm also improving in school because I'm not on a god-awful website reading about how "Sarah just unloaded the dishwasher" for 5+ hours a day. I've been using social networking as a crutch for years, and it's time to go out on my own, in the real world.

Luckily, I'll never have to do it alone.

I've got everything I need.

Tangled up in boo.

I saw Bob Dylan live two nights ago, and honestly, it was the biggest disappointment I've experienced in my life thus far. Despite everything that I've heard about his performances these days, I went expecting to be blown away - to finally see the man in the flesh, who not only changed my life, but has been changing lives for over 40 years. I've read every book written by and about him, seen every film, know every word to every song (up to the 80s), and this was supposed to be the greatest moment of my life.

...but it wasn't.

As soon as he started playing "Leopard-Skin Pill Box Hat" like a really bad polka song out of a shitty musical, I knew that I wasn't going to be able to watch Bob Dylan's entire set. For the record, It isn't the fact that he's 68 years old, many people were still putting on amazing shows in their 70s, it's the fact that in the past 20 years, he's settled for making mediocre music, because he knows people are going to come to his shows. That's not the Bob Dylan that I love. It's not about how much I paid for my ticket or how long I had to drive to see him, it's more than that to me. And, while getting to see him in the flesh was a once-in-a-lifetime-opportunity, I'd much rather re-live his legacy through records and nostalgia.

I painfully sat through it for an hour, left during "Highway 61 Revisited" and never looked back.
Oh, how I wish I would've grown up in his generation instead of this one.

Can't win em all.